matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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