Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
