All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
