you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
