I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
