Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish you could order shots online.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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