I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
