My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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