what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
