Can i not drive my cunt home
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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