did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize