its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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