Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
