all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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