Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dignity is for republicans.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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