I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
