Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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