I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
