ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you didnt know i had herpes?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Panties = found
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
