tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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