what if every blade of grass was a penis?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
