So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
