It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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