I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my being single is dangerous.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
