im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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