A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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