Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
