I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
