Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door

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(760): View more from California

There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.

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(802): View more from Vermont

He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized

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(904): View more from Florida

it's circumsized.

(954): View more from Florida

I think this conversation is over.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.

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(334): View more from Alabama

It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.

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(330): View more from Ohio

lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow

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(838): View more from

I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now

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