we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize