That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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