you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
