I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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