The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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