So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
