he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
