the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize