he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
