My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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