just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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