That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
