Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
