dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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