Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize