I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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