remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
