You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize