just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
