bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
