Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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