Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
