I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
