Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
