He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
