This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
