sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
