I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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