So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
