gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
