so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
