the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
