Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
