I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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