omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
